How to Talk to Your Children About the CA Wildfires: Age-Specific Guidance for Parents
Wildfires bring overwhelming stress for families, but the way we address our children’s fears can make a big difference. Whether you’re navigating evacuation, loss, or recovery, it’s essential to have age-appropriate conversations that help children process the situation.
Children process traumatic events differently than adults, and unresolved fears can sometimes lead to anxiety, behavioral changes, or difficulties coping later in life. This guide is designed to help you talk to your children about the fire in a way that aligns with their age and developmental needs. It also provides insight into how trauma might manifest and offers ways to support yourself as a parent.
Before beginning these conversations, take a moment for yourself. Breathe deeply and acknowledge that your emotions are valid too. If your feelings surface while talking to your children, use it as an opportunity to model emotional awareness. Help them understand what you’re feeling and why—normalizing emotions is one of the most supportive things you can do for children at any age.
And remember, if now doesn’t feel like the right time to have this conversation, that’s okay. There will always be another opportunity to help your children process their emotions when you feel ready. For now, focus on doing the best you can during these challenging times.
Why Talking to Children About Fires Matters
Children are sensitive (and often more attuned then we realize) to the emotions of the adults around them. Open communication fosters emotional resilience and helps children feel secure, even during uncertain times.
By addressing their fears honestly and with care, you can prevent long-term emotional difficulties. Tailor your approach to their age, keep explanations simple, and create an environment of reassurance.
Age-Appropriate Guidance and Signs of Trauma
Infants (0–1 year):
Understanding:
Infants don’t comprehend events, but they sense caregiver stress and respond to disruptions in their routine.
How to Help:
Maintain consistent routines to create a sense of security.
Use a soothing voice and provide physical comfort, like holding and rocking.
Recognize trauma impact: Infants might cry more, have trouble sleeping, or seem clingier during stressful times. Remember that these experiences can be supported by your care and love.
This might be a time when you choose to contact nap or engage in other behaviors you usually avoid. Don’t worry about creating “bad habits.” Focus on being present and providing reassurance for your child.
Toddlers (1–3 years):
Understanding:
Toddlers notice environmental changes but struggle with abstract concepts like danger.
How to Help:
Offer simple explanations like, “The fire is far away, but we are safe.”
Reassure them through hugs and calm presence.
Use toys or objects to play out the scenario, such as firefighter toys or building safe spaces with blocks, to help them understand and process.
Recognize trauma impact: Toddlers may regress in behavior, become more clingy, or exhibit heightened separation anxiety.
This might be a time to allow these regressions to happen and focus on staying present with your child. That could mean letting them sleep in your bed or engaging in other comforting behaviors you might usually avoid.
Preschoolers (3–5 years):
Understanding:
Preschoolers are naturally curious and may ask many questions or create stories to understand the situation.
How to Help:
Provide clear, factual explanations and use visuals (like maps) to show safety.
Encourage creative outlets such as drawing, storytelling, or play to help them process their emotions.
Recognize trauma impact: Preschoolers might have nightmares, show increased fears (e.g., fear of the dark), or focus pretend play on the fire.
Now is a good time to engage more actively in their pretend play, helping them process their feelings. Join their play by narrating experiences, such as escaping the fire, and express emotions like fear, sadness, gratitude, or love. This can help them feel understood and supported while making sense of their own feelings.
Elementary School-Aged Children (6–12 years):
Understanding:
Children in this age group are more aware of danger and may overhear adult conversations or see media coverage.
How to Help:
Be honest about what’s happening but avoid overly detailed or alarming information.
Involve them in small acts of kindness, such as donating supplies or writing thank-you notes to firefighters, to help them feel empowered.
Limit media exposure, as repeated viewing of fire images can worsen their anxiety. Discuss how too much media can amplify fears and encourage breaks.
Recognize trauma impact: They may experience irritability, difficulty concentrating on schoolwork, or somatic symptoms like headaches or stomachaches.
This can be a time to help your child feel more in control by supporting their need to understand or contribute. Adjusting screen time—whether by allowing more or setting limits—based on how your child is responding to the event can be helpful. You might also choose to let some behaviors slide, such as irritability or outbursts you would typically correct, and instead focus on interpreting their emotions with compassion.
Additionally, consider seeking support outside the home if needed. Support groups, therapists, and other resources can provide valuable help. Many mental health providers are offering pro bono services for children impacted by the fires, creating an opportunity for additional care and understanding.
Teenagers (13–18 years):
Understanding:
Teens can grasp the complexity of wildfires and often process events through social media and peer conversations.
How to Help:
Encourage them to share what they’re hearing online or from friends. Help them distinguish credible sources from misinformation.
Allow social media as an emotional outlet but discuss healthy boundaries and encourage breaks to reduce overexposure.
Recognize trauma impact: Teens might withdraw emotionally, experience mood swings, or become more argumentative as they cope.
During this time, your teenager may turn more to their friends or retreat inward, further withdrawing from family connections. Even if they seem to reject your attempts to check in, your consistent presence and support can still provide comfort. Teens often crave your safety and stability, even if they don’t openly express it.
Take this opportunity to affirm your trust in their judgment, which can help them feel more in control. At the same time, establish and enforce healthy boundaries, such as limits around social media use or other potentially harmful habits. This balance between trust and boundaries can create a sense of safety during a time of uncertainty.
Be open and honest about your own emotions, uncertainties, and plans. Sharing your feelings in a transparent way can model emotional awareness and help your teen feel more grounded.
You might also explore community support for your teen. Many mental health providers are offering pro bono or sliding-scale services to assist those impacted by the fires. Additionally, connecting them with support groups, volunteer opportunities, or other community networks can give them a sense of purpose and connection during this challenging time.
Trauma and Triggers for Parents
If you’ve experienced past trauma—such as birth trauma, pregnancy loss, or other significant stress—wildfires can bring unresolved emotions to the surface. You may notice heightened anxiety, difficulty focusing, or feelings of being overwhelmed.
Sharing your feelings with a partner or trusted friend can help. Practice self-compassion and remember that addressing your own emotional well-being enables you to better support your children.
Seeking Support
Navigating the trauma of wildfires isn’t something you have to do alone. Lean on your community, reach out to a therapist, or join a support group.
For families impacted by the California wildfires, I’m offering pro bono therapy services to support you during this time. Learn more at Birth Feelings: Impacted by CA Wildfire.
Conclusion
You don’t need to have all the answers to be a great parent during a crisis. Being present, honest, and supportive is what matters most. Remember that trauma can compound over time, and getting help when needed is a sign of strength.
If you’re struggling to navigate these conversations or cope with compounded trauma, reach out for support through Birth Feelings. Together, we can help you and your family move through this challenging time with resilience and care.